True thing #1 – V is (probably) preparing our minds for the arrival of aliens
In the outer reaches of my mind, I’ve always believed that one of television’s primary functions is to prepare our delicate brains for that which would cause them to blow a circuit when presented with a situation we couldn’t possibly comprehend.
That’s not to say that everything on the TV is indicative of future events, but, from time to time, you’ll notice that certain types of programs seem to be geared towards conditioning our mind for a new paradigm of reality.
For example…
ABC debuted a new show of this ilk last week. V, a science fiction thriller about alien visitors from another planet that gives off the distinct impression that we’ll soon be sharing our planet with aliens (for real) and that it’d be for the best if you didn’t freak out about it too much.
The show opens with a massive spaceship hovering above New York City, and, after a few moments of (relatively mild) panic, the good people of Earth act as though they’re more or less okay with the whole situation. The aliens, who, at first glance, look just like humans, explain that they’ve come in peace (needing only a supply of C4 to fuel their ship and be on their way) and offer to share their superior technology with humankind, which immediately remedies more than 60 debilitating/terminal diseases. Hooray for aliens!
Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a show if humans and aliens simply lived together forever in love and harmony (we need conflict, dammit!). Anyone who’s ever read a science fiction book knows that aliens are inherently evil (not to mention cunning), and are generally hell bent on sucking the good people of this planet dry of their precious life force (or whatever).
Later in the end of the first episode, we learn that there’s a segment of the human population that harbours suspicion of the Visitors (or “V”, for short), and must operate in secret to avoid being killed by our secretly violent and tyrannical alien overlords.
When the Vs bust up a meeting of the anti-alien society, it’s revealed that their bodies aren’t actually humanlike at all; they’re merely wearing shells that make them look like us. The aliens are actually reptilians in human suits!
Still later, we find out that the aliens haven’t just shown up out of the blue because of a deficiency in C4; they’ve been on Earth all along, slowly and methodically infiltrating our various government agencies of control. The aliens haven’t come to Earth to live in peace, nor have they appeared for a hostile takeover (gasp!). They’ve already taken over, secretly.
V, based on a 1984 series of the same name, isn’t groundbreaking TV in any significant way. It’s the usual fare of aliens invading Earth, before humans (eventually) wise up and fight them off (I assume), sending them back to where they came from. We’ve seen it all before.
What’s interesting about V it how closely it mirrors the prophecies of some of the world’s best-known conspiracy theorists. According to people like David Icke and the late William Cooper, the planet is already being controlled by a species of shape-shifting reptilians who like to pass themselves off as the global elite (better known as the Bushes, Rockefellers, Rothchilds, etc.).
[Click here and here to watch TV newscaster morph into their reptilian form on the air. Warning: it’s all rather fucked.]
If these theorists know what they’re talking about (and, unless you assume them to be straight-up crazy, it’s tough to dismiss their assertions completely), then V is the closest depiction television has ever offered of the crazy shit that is set (or not set) to occur on our planet in the years leading up to - and following - 2012.
Websites like montalk.net firmly believe that aliens are already in charge, and are the string pullers behind most of the insanity that happens on this planet (terrorist attacks, tsunamis, war, famine, what have you).
It’s long been a trick of the powers-that-be to take relevant information and discredit it by turning it into fiction. 911 theorists have seen their reputations dragged through the muck for suggesting that the act of terror was an inside job, as have, say, anyone who believes that the moon landing was staged. What better way to make something true appear false than by making it the subject matter for a corny network TV show starring one of the brothers from Party of Five?
And still, while few (if any) will take the content of V as prescient of what might be to come, it still serves the function of preparing our minds for the eventual arrival/reveal of aliens, even if we don’t believe it.
The people on the show were shocked, but not too shocked to see that ship hovering in the sky. They quickly befriended the Vs and accepted their offer of advanced technology. V is (possibly) conditioning our minds to give the aliens a fair shake, even as it also (possibly) conditions us to be fearful of their intentions to destroy us. It’s the mind fuck of mind fucks.
If aliens show up on Earth a few years from now, people will already have a model as to how they should react: surprised, scared, alarmed, but not altogether paralyzed by an utter lack of comprehension. Minds will be blown, but they won’t be blown to the point where we can’t just replace a fuse and carry on in a new reality that involves aliens who are real.
*****
True thing #2 – Battlestar Galactica was brilliant and confusing
We all know we’re on our way to predestined conclusion. It’s inevitable, even if we don’t what it is that’s inevitable.
Only the most unaware of simpletons could deny that shit is happening. Everything we see, read and hear in the media is shaped toward preparing our minds for something, be it the arrival of aliens (see above), our fiery demise, or even the ascendance (for some) that (I hope) might come in 2012.
After somehow putting it off since last March, I finally got around to watching the final four episodes of Battlestar Galactica last week. A friend invited me over to watch the franchise’s new movie, The Plan, and I would’ve felt more than stupid coming over without knowing how the show had had turned out (particularly since I’m typically the guy who watches everything that’s on TV).
I’d never put off watching the conclusion of any show I loved before this one (and I do love BSG). Brigitte and I had devoured the entirety of the series before I left to Halifax last February for on the Jonathan Torrens show, and I simply neglected to watch them. I was busy working, and I just don’t enjoy watching television as much without her sitting next to me (while explaining the complicated bits).
For whatever reason, I always hold out a glimmer of hope that the conclusion of any epic show will somehow offer a key to understanding life/God/existence/whatever. Of course, they never do, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped hoping. (Note: I had the same feeling about Lost, and my viewing got stunted with that one, too.) In absence of living an authentic life in the real world, I rely on television to teach me things – even if only through symbolism. Sometimes it offers a helpful nugget or two, and sometimes it just makes me stupider.
I sweated through the last four episodes on the treadmill, and, to be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely clear about what it all meant (as usual). It was kind of like reading the bible and understanding the main plot points without necessarily knowing how it’s all supposed to tie together.
The main storylines (which were weaving together closer all the time) at the end of the BSG narrative involved:
* Starbuck tripping out in the bar and learning a song that would ultimately save the human race from a bar pianist who may or may not have been her long-dead father.
* President Laura Roslin dying a slow, agonizing death from cancer, still believing in her prophetic visions, her love with Bill Adama still in the midst of a twilight bloom.
*Baltar facing up to the fact that he’s lived his entire life as a coward, a wussy who Lee Adama believed had never performed one selfless act in his entire life.
* Hera, the cylon-human love hybrid of Boomer and Helo, was kidnapped by the imprisoned cylon who looked exactly like Boomer, taken back to the cylon base. The cylons believe that Hera’s DNA held the hidden secret to regaining their powers of resurrection. Or something to that effect.
*Sol Ty and his wife are somehow becoming the “mother and father” of the new humankind. Or something to that effect again. Like I said, it was sort of confusing.
There were, of course, salvational, inspirational and apocalyptical overtones and undertones to the entire experience. Which is what ultimately sets Battlestar Galactica apart from every other show I’ve watched. Until the very end, I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I really believed it was going to be important.
Of course, I watched without any tangible change occurring in my day-to-day life. I didn’t ascend to a higher plane of existence for having seen it (although I suppose it’s unfair to judge a show based on its ability to do that).
I don’t think I learned anything new from watching Battlestar Galactica, but, in a lengthy, sci-fi kind of way, it reinforced some important ideas that I was already beginning to believe. Such as:
* We’re in the midst of one cycle of what has been and will be many life cycles (spanning over billions of years) for humanity. That essentially means that anything that’s happening now has probably happened before and will most likely happen again. This may or may not turn out to be an endless loop for eternity, but at this point it’s got the potential. If you’ve watched BSG, you’ve probably come to determination yourself.
*Redemption, in this case, Baltar’s, can lead to transcendence and/or eternal life. It’s something to think about, since we’ve all got a few monkeys on our backs. Brigitte recently had me read the part about destiny, and my date of birth had me come under the Sign of Discipline. Basically, my entire life hinges on my ability to find the right balance of discipline. And I can totally relate to that. Baltar found redemption for a life of selfishness and cowardice. Maybe I can live forever if I ever figure out real discipline.
* Starbuck may have been an angel. I think. She ended up being an angel of death and an angel of life, or at least that’s how I’m understanding the story at the moment. Since she died and came back, that makes her the Tupac, er… I mean Jesus, of this story. Also: it’s going to be fucking to weird to see Starbuck on another show. How can she be anything but Starbuck? I think she should just disappear like the TV Starbuck, I mean Jesus. I hope she can live off the residuals.
* Admiral Adama was a tired man ready to be put out to pasture by the end of the show. He did, however, has just enough energy to lead humankind through the darkest period of its existence. Good job by him.
One last thing: the Chief is a fucking hothead, temper tantrum baby. I understand that he might still be sore about Kali’s death (some might call it murder), but, when faced with the decision of satisfying his own bloodlust or achieving peace between humans and cylon forever, he opted for blood. This obviously symbolizes that humans are inherently violent, and will always be violent, which is kind of a letdown, but not something we didn’t already know.
*****
True thing #3 – Modern Family is a quality (family) sitcom
ABC has actually produced a funny, well-written family comedy, which is something I didn’t think was possible anymore. The fact of the matter is that unless you’re a little kid who doesn’t know any better - or a person offended by 90 percent of what the rest of us consider funny - most of what might pass for a family sitcom produced within the last 10 years has been unwatchable (except for Reba, which is strangely mesmerizing).
The obvious exception is, of course, Arrested Development, a groundbreaking comedy that was barely watched when it was actually on the air, cancelled before its time, and ultimately revered after its death, almost like a dead artist.
But Arrested went off the air five long years ago, and there hasn’t been a truly enjoyable family since. That is, until Modern Family debuted a few weeks ago.
My pal Phil texted me the praises of Family a few weeks after it came on, and I finally caught up on the first seven episodes shortly after that (the eighth one airs tonight). He was right. It’s great. I love it!
Ed O’Niell (which is Al Bundy’s name in real-life) is back as the patriarch of a three-pronged, misshapen familial unit. He’s divorced (his ex-wife is absolutely bat shit crazy… played to perfection by Shelley Long), remarried (his new wife is the scintillating Sofia Vergara) with a new stepson (a chubby,mature-beyond-his-years momma’s boy, who’s consistently funny for not realizing how badly he’s destined to get beat up in school by the boys who enjoy that sort of thing).
Bundy has a daughter, the mom of a semi-normal (which is to say completely abnormal) nuclear family. Her husband is the Michael Scott of spouses, which means he plays it real dumb. Surprisingly, there’s room in my heart for more than one version of Michael Scott. I wasn’t sure that type of character had this type of staying power, but, after seeing it done first by Ricky Gervais (although the character was considerably snarkier in Britain) and then Steve Carrell, it appears that that sort of earnestly dumb-yet-smart, harmless-but-absent-mindedly dangerous, middle-aged lovable dolt is still in demand. If you think you might be interested in watching a slice of reality in which Michael somehow ended up with a wife and two kids, this is your chance. (This also means that Parks and Recreation still has a chance to be funny.)
Bundy’s daughter had two kids. The first is a 15-year-old daughter dating an 18-year-old dude who clearly has designs on deflowering her, and has absolutely no fear of flaunting that fact in front of her toothless dad. (The boyfriend actually sang a song about doing her in front of the entire family in what may have been the high point of the series so far.)
Bundy’s other kid is a redheaded gay son, who is married to a fat man with whom he has adopted a Vietnamese daughter. The skinny one is a fastidious momma’s boy who does Shelley Long’s bidding within the family, while the fat one is an emotional free spirit with a flair for the dramatic. Modern Family skilfully balances funny gay jokes while making this pair lovable enough so as not to offend the gay (as far as I can tell).
Ever the gruff, rich old-timer, Bundy isn’t thrilled that his son is shacking up with another dude, but he slowly warms up to the idea and the partner, which make him seem as though he’s a great guy beneath all the distance and coldness (this trait comes through repeatedly… DON’T YOU FORGET THIS SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC IS JUST OLD AND SLOW TO CHANGE HIS WAYS, BUT HE’S COMING AROUND ALL RIGHT… LEAVE BUNDY THE FUCK ALONE! HE’S COME A LONG WAY SINCE NO MA’AAM!!!).
Let’s just say that I watched the first eight episodes of Modern Family over the course of consecutive nights. When I power watch a show, I know it’s good.
True thing #1 – V is (probably) preparing our minds for the arrival of aliens
